13 December 2015

so..what now?

'What now?' you ask. 'Is your life fixed and easy now?  Do you have it together?'

If only!  Honestly, it's easier to write about what's past than what's current.  My process is still in play...just like all of ours.

Today I attended the memorial service of a friend who passed away after an 8-year battle with ALS. It's a terrible, ugly disease, but my friend fought this battle with a beautiful grace.  I'm sure he had his moments - we all do - but even some of his family members never heard him complain.  He carried himself with serenity and joy, and absolute confidence in his Saviour, Jesus, right up to his last breath.

My long road started just a year before my friend's diagnosis.  As I listened to people talk about him today at the service, and thought about how I saw him carry himself throughout his journey, I couldn't help but compare my own with his, and I was kind of sad.  It's ok - I don't beat myself up over the past, and maybe an emotional journey is just not the same animal as a physical one, I don't know.  Everybody is different, though, and everybody's journey is unique.

I have been terribly broken, full of rage, shame, fear, grief, and despair.  It has been such a black and terrible road.  But here is my hope, my prayer:  having come into the light, may my continued process be full of light for others.  I want to live Hope.  I want people to say about me, that I carry myself with serenity and joy.  I know the beginning from the end!  I do have wonderful, amazing, incredible Hope.  May my life be the reflection, just as my friend's life was.

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